you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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