Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
NoShamevember. You game?
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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