apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
