Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Randomize
