I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize