i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
