Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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