I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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