he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
