I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
