Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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