I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I did not marry a roomba.
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