i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Randomize
