with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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