FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
