During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
