Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
