I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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