There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize