he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Randomize
