So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
