you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Never let your siblings swipe right.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
