shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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