Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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