New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Randomize