I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
