Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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