So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
