Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
