and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
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