We're facebook friends in real life
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
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