That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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