Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
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