I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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