I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
