i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
