mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize