There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
