I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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