O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
