I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
