i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
