nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
