Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
