He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
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