Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
