Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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