it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
