fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
