Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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