seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
