I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Randomize
