I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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