At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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