I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
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