I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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