two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
