so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
nutella sex= disaster
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
