He asked to "fluff my boner.."
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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