If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The power of my boobs compel you
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
