He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
