I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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