Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
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