I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
