its not stalking. its research.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
