The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
