someone threw a dead crab at me
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
