I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
