so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
Randomize
