I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
