Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
