I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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