Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
