Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Randomize
