New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Randomize
