Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize