I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
