dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
