Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
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