i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
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