belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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