i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
sarcasm needs its own font
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Randomize
