the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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