Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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