Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
