No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
