And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
