I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
