Non-Jews are for practice
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
