Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
