OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
