Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize