Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize