something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
