beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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