I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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