dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
