He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
