i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
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