i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
