Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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