Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
