I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
