So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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